What Would Sirius Do?
by deatheaters-r-us
Summary: Invisibility cloak? Mauraders Map? Evil Plans?  What can go wrong? *wink* rating may change.
1. Chapter 1 Gryffindor Tower

Chapter 1 – Gryffindor Tower

Harry sat in the common room looking in the fire, thinking of what Sirius said to him and wished that his life could be more carefree and not as serious (no pun intended). _**What **_would Sirius do? Suddenly plans, evil plans started forming in Harry's head; _**very**_ evil plans (mmaaaahhhhhhhaaaaaaa). 

He suddenly got up, startling the few people in the room, and ran up the stairs and threw open his trunk lid to get the required items. He let the silver fabric fall freely between his fingers and grabbed an old, but special, piece of parchment. _"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good." _ The parchment burst to life as the ink stained the crumpled parchment, revealing the words: _Mauraders's Map. _He smiled to himself and through on the Invisibility cloak before descending back downstairs.

He quietly walked across the room, without catching any suspicious eyes. He stood near the portrait hole until everyone left. An evil grin grew on his already smug face. He knew exactly who his first victim was going to be…


	2. Chapter 2 Snape

Chapter: 2 – Snape

Harry slipped on his Invisibility Cloak and quietly walked out of the Portrait Hole.

"Whaa-? Who's there?" asked a very sleepy and confused Fat Lady.

Harry snickered to himself and took this moment to his advantage.

"Oooo! I'm Sirius Black! I've come to finish what I started, DESTROYING YOU! Muhhahahaa!"

Harry tried to contain his laugh, as the Fat Lady started freaking out. He remembered in 3rd year how Sirius destroyed her painting, and couldn't resist reminding her of that fatal day. Oh this is going to be fun!

"S-Sirius Black? Where? Are you lying to me? Th-This isn't funny! I don't see Sirius Black! Where are you?"

"… I'm everywhere…"

That did it. The Fat Lady literally jumped off her seat, screaming at the top of her lungs and ran into another portrait, who obviously didn't want her company. In the background of the Fat Lady's high-pitched screams of terror, Harry was on the floor laughing his ass off. He laid there for a good 5 minutes without realizing what his _real _mission was. He got up, with his stomach hurting from his laughing frenzy, and carefully adjusted his invisibility cloak.

He walked through the corridors to get to point B, checking his map every couple seconds and thought to himself. He would have to control his laughter, especially with what he's going to do soon. Just the thought of it made him giggle a bit.

He reached the dungeons and headed towards the potions classroom. The dungeons were cold, as usual, and Harry wished his cloak was a bit more resistant to the chill.

The potions classroom door was ajar and Harry poked his head through carefully, trying not to bump the door. '_Ha, Time to work your magic Harry', _Harry thought to himself, smiling.

Severus Snape was sitting at his desk, scribbling words onto parchment. He was hunched over, writing at a slow pace, and the only source of light was a few candles surrounding his desk. How depressing.

Harry carefully squeezed through the small opening of the door. He held his breath and sucked in as much air as he could; he can't blow this opportunity (er… no pun intended). Just as he got through the other side, his elbow lightly hit it the handle, making the door slowly swing open. Severus looked up with suspicious eyes, but didn't get up from his seat. He continued to stare at the open door. '_Fuck! I blew it. He suspects something. Abort now! ABORT NOW!' _ Harry thought to himself, but Harry just stood there watching Snape as he looked back to his piece of parchment and continued writing. _There's still hope! It's now or never Harry. _

He walked with very light feet towards Snape's desk. He kept a fair distance between him and Snape, so if he screws up he'll have a head start towards the door. He stood there for a few moments, and thought of what to do to mess with him. Emerald green eyes pierced at Snape's hunched over profile and Harry started to speak in a low, dark voice.

"Hey, you sexy beast."

The Potion's masters head snapped up, as if on cue, and looked around his classroom, spinning his head rapidly around to find the source of the voice.

"Who's there?"

Harry silently laughed and continued in the same dark, seductive voice. God, he loved messing with Snape's head.

"It's me, from last night. I just wanted to say that last night was _so hot." _

Harry silently laughed harder when he saw Snape's confused face. Harry took this opportunity to walk to the other side of his desk, so his voice will seem like it's everywhere.

"Whoever you are, I want you to leave my classroom right now. I'm not amused."

Harry didn't give up that easily. The fun was just beginning. He stood in front of Snape's desk and spoke again. This time, he made it even naughtier.

"Don't you know who I am? I'm the one that made you scream last night. I just wanted you to know that I think you're fucking sexy and I want you tonight. Tell me, Severus, tell me who I am. I think you know. This was the voice moaning your name last night, every night."

Snape stiffened in his seat. He was not hunched over anymore and his eyes were wide. Harry was using all his power to contain his laughter. He was surprised that he said that entire speech without cracking up. He put his hands on his head, and tried not fall to the floor with laughter.

"Lucius?" asked Snape.

Harry immediately stopped smiling. His eyes widened and he swore he was going to be sick. Shivering and shuddering, he slowly backed away. He will _never _look Snape in the eye again… _ever._ '_What the fuck? Did he just say Lucius? Lucius Malfoy? No god no! Why? Why did I have to hear that? Ugghhh! Bad images, bad images! Oh my god, Oh my god, I think I'm going to be sick. *starts mentally crying*' _

Just as he was going to descend out the door, and possibly go look for some mental therapy, Snape raised from his chair so fast, that it made Harry snap his head towards him.

"Wait a minute! Who are you _really? _Why are you hiding? How are you hiding? I don't see anyone in this room, and there's no way you can hi…" Snape suddenly paused and darted his eyes around the room.

"…Potter…" he snarled.

_Oh shit _was all Harry could think of in the moment. He saw Snape extend his arms in front of him and wave them around like a fool. He was walking like a blind man, swearing under his breath.

"This isn't Funny, Potter. I know you're in here and you're under that stupid cloak of yours. You're not going anywhere; you know too much." Snape continued waving his arms in front of him, tripping over the student's desks and into the walls.

Harry quickly darted out of the classroom, not caring if he hit the door, and ran till he came to the end of the hallway. Harry then suddenly burst out laughing. He laughed the hardest he had ever laughed in his life. He'd been keeping all the laughter in, and it felt good to finally release it. HA! The image of Snape attempting to find Harry was just priceless.

After about 10 minutes of rolling on the floor laughing unconditionally, he finally got up and adjusted his cloak. Messing with Snape was funny, but Harry couldn't help but wonder that it was _he _who got messed with, knowing the truth about Lucius and Snape *shudders*.

He thought about his next victim. He was in the dungeons, so he tried to think of someone nearby. He filled the puzzle in his mind so quickly, it's as if it just _magically _dropped in his mind: He was in the dungeons, that's where the Slytherin Common Room is, where all the Slytherins are. Harry smirked at his own brilliancy as he thought of his next victim – Draco perhaps?


	3. Chapter 3 Strange Allies

Chapter 3 – Strange Allies

As Harry walked to the Slytherin common room he thought of the many ways he could get Malfoy back for years of torment. _'I could turn him... Nah. Oooh I could, no no that's too nice and too easy to stop. Maybe if I, damn this is really hard.' _

Harry finally got to the long, bare, damp stone wall that was the entrance to the common room. Once there he finally realized that he didn't know the password to get in. _'Oh well someone will use the entrance soon.' _

Oh how wrong he was.

**An hour later**

'_Seriously I bet every other fucking night they come in and out like fucking bees. But nooo not tonight when I need them. _Harry thought sourly as he travelled back down the dark corridor. _'Oh god I actually need a Slytherin. How low have I have fallen.'_

As Harry reached the potions class room and wearily looked inside. He saw a very pissed off Potions Master that kept mumbling under his breath with the occasional snicker. Harry then felt a very cold rush of fear to what Snape was going to do to him. _'I hope it's not fatal I like my life plus I'm too young to die.'_

Suddenly an idea pop into Harry's head a somewhat crazy idea but it could keep him alive. Well at least from Snape.

Harry boldly walked in to the classroom and took off the cloak. He waited a couple minutes till Snape stopped snickering. He didn't want to get a hex and knowing Snape it would be a nasty one. 

"Professor," Harry started and Snape jumped up startled. "I was wondering if ummm… how do I say this." "Well spit it out Potter, I'm tired of you interrupting me all night."

"Ok I was just wondering if you could help me with a project."

"Is there a reason I have help you don't you have the know-it-all to help or better yet your own head of house?" He sneered.

"Well professor I need someone who won't seem like a person that would normally talk to me... or like me."

You could see Snape getting interested if only by the slight raise of his eyebrow.

"You see I wanted to show some people the error of their ways and have some fun at the same time."

Now you can positively see Snape's intrigue and his mind on overdrive you could almost see the steam coming from his ears.

"Ok Potter what do you want from me and what do I get?"

"For starters I would like the password to the Slytherin common room. In regards to what you get I think you could borrow the cloak for your own _project._ Also I would like to be each other alibis."

Snape was having wonderful daydreams of what he could do to Umbitch.

"Very well I hope you like detention." Snape said with a very strait face.

"_Oh crap Snape turned on me already… well at least I've got blackmail."_

"Unless, you can think of a better reason to have to be in my classroom after hours?" This was said with the trade mark eyebrow raise.

"Oh thank Merlin I thought I was actually going to have detention."

"You won't really get detention unless you get caught and if you do your on your own."

"Now that's not very nice and besides you wouldn't want me to tell the whole school about you and Lucius Malfoy." (Insert evil smirk here)

Snape visibly paled when this was said. (Which is saying a lot)

"It was a joke Potter you don't have to say unnecessary things." You could see the sweat pouring down his face at the threat.

Harry was mentally doing a little dance. _'I've got Snape cornered but I still can't get that metal picture out of my head.'_

"Anyway I still need that password."

"If I tell you will _please _stop talking about Lucius?"

"Fine," he said with a sigh "but it would be a great thing for a prank on Malfoy."

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "No, and the password is _Fire whiskey._"

"Seriously that's all it is _Fire whiskey._"

"Yes seriously I was bored and wanted a drink and made the password fire whiskey." _'Besides,' _Snape thought _'Its not like he has to know it was by accident.' _

'_Snape drinks and has *shudders* he is almost like a real person.' _


	4. Chapter 4 Draco

**Chapter 4: Draco **

Harry walked down the corridor and faced the entrance of the Slytherin Common Room yet again, this time with the password to enter it. He recited the password clearly and watched the dusty old bricks burst to life, making a hole in wall for Harry to enter it.

He wrapped his invisibility cloak tightly around him once he saw a couple of Slytherins sitting in the common room. He was curious to find out what they were doing. He walked over to the couch they were sitting on and saw none other than Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott. They both had a bottle of Fire whiskey in their hands and they were drunk- extremely drunk. They were in a middle of a conversation when Harry walked in.

"…why you gotta be like that Theo? Man, it's because I'm black isn't it? You KNOW that I'm sensitive!" Blaise yelled, slurring his words.

"Huh…Whaaa?" Theo was so drunk; he didn't even know what the fuck was going on. He couldn't even remember his own name at the moment.

"Look I'm sorry man! I'm sorry I yelled at you! I LOVE YOU MAN, YOU LIKE A BROTHER TO ME! Come here and give me a hug!" Zabini stated crying and gave Nott a lazy hug. At that moment, Theo passed out with Zabini still crying.

Harry didn't know what the hell just happened.

He left the common room and went up towards the boys' dorm. He was surprised to see that the Slytherins didn't have to share their dorms, which made Harry extremely jealous. He would give anything to get his own dorm, especially because Ron keeps muttering about the spider apocalypse when he sleeps.

Draco's dorm was not hard to find. The first door that Harry opened coincidentally happened to be Malfoy's, which was far bigger than anyone else's and had silver serpents around it.

Harry opened the door to find a slumbering Draco, curled up in his covers.

He walked over to him, trying to as quiet as possible. He hoped that Malfoy was a heavy sleeper. He stood beside where Draco was sleeping; he knew exactly what he was going to do. He remembered the spells that Snape taught him just as he was about to leave for the Slytherin Common room. Harry specifically asked for appearance altering spells, which Snape was very reluctant of teaching him, but did anyway.

Harry pointed his wand towards Draco's sleeping head and muttered the spell quietly. He watched to see if anything happened, hoping he did the spell right. After about ten seconds of waiting in suspense, Malfoy's perfect white-blonde hair started growing light orange. Harry watched as it turned darker and eventually it turned a bright red. Harry mentally did an evil laugh, but he wasn't done there.

Harry pulled off covers for stage two and tried not to burst out laughing. Under his black, satin bed sheets, Draco was holding a _'Hello Dragon'_ blanket that had the most adorable Hungarian Horntails Harry had ever seen. Oh, Harry wished he could take a picture of this; where was Colin Creevley when you need him? Malfoy was clinging on to that blanket for dear life, as if he thinks someone was going to steal in his sleep. Harry silently laughed, covering his mouth incase he accidently squeaks.

Harry calmed himself and pointed his wand at Draco's torso, which Harry noticed had no shirt covering it. He muttered another spell and watched as Malfoy's pale skin turned gold and shiny. Harry was quite proud of his work, but there was still something missing… _'Got it'_

Harry pointed his wand to Malfoy's chest and tattooed a huge picture of a lion. To make it even more fun, he set the picture to yell 'Gryffindor Rules!' every half an hour, on second thought, let's make it 15 min.!

Harry left Draco's room and headed down towards the common room yet again. He looked over at the couch to see both Nott and Zabini were passed out. _'Slytherins'_ Harry thought.

He decided to have a little fun with Blaise and Theo too. He went over to the couches and arranged their passed out bodies to look like they were about to fuck each other. Harry couldn't believe his genius mind.

Harry was about to leave the common room until he heard 'Gryffindor Rules!' coming from upstairs. Harry waited for Draco's reaction.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEONE MADE ME LOOK LIKE A BLOODY GRYFFINDOR! WHO WAS IT! SHOW YOURSELF! You…You… YOU WAIT TILL MY FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS!"

'_ahh... my work here is done.'_


	5. Chapter 5 Umbitch

Chapter 5 – Umbitch

Snape was pacing his potions room waiting for Harry to get back so he could have some fun.

'_Oh that bitch will be in hell. The Weasley twins will seem like nothing when I'm finished. Hehehe. I wonder if I should have told Potter all those spells. Well as long as he doesn't us them on me I guess its fine. I almost feel bad for Draco but the little shit deserves it.'_

The candles were getting low when Harry finally returned to the potions room and a very agitated Severus Snape.

"Finally boy I waited long enough. I would like the cloak."

"You're going to get her tonight?"

"No I'm not that is for tomorrow night and when I have all the necessary equipment together and ready." It was said without a sneer and sounded almost cheerful. Harry knew better then to ask what the 'necessary equipment' was.

"Ok professor I'll just leave the cloak here." Harry left the cloak on Snape's desk and left with speed that you only see in cartoons.

As Harry ran Snape could feel a most horrifying and terrible laugh escape his throat and if anyone heard it they would be gone so fast not even ominoculars would be able to see them. Snape turned back to a potion he was brewing a very special potion that was meant for one certain toad.

Snape had the best sleep since before... well that's not important but it was really good. Visions of the toad's face when he was finished with his revenge danced in his head all day and he even gave points to other houses just to fuck with everyone else's minds.

'_I thought the 2__nd__ years were going to crap themselves when I smiled and it was only a small one.' _ He let loose a mini evil laugh that made some Hufflepuff's shriek and run away in fear.

Severus didn't bother going to lunch in the Great Hall too crowded and he wanted to see what Potter did to Draco up close and not from too far away.

As soon as the class began all he and the rest of the class could to was stare at Malfoy, which he normally didn't mind but not with his new makeover. Everyone was even more surprised when a very loud Gryffindor rules was shouted from where he was seated. The Gryffindors all roared with laughter at that and Snape didn't even take points off or stop his lesson to address what was happen. That would be because he might end-up giving points intended of taking. Also he wasn't sure if he would be able to stop the laugh that was threatening to start if he looked at Draco again.

Dinner came around and took his usual seat beside McGonagall who look slightly amused and a little apprehensive at his arrival and then switched her gaze Draco who was forced to eat in the Great Hall despite his new look.

"Severus don't you think it's a little mean to make him walk around like that?" McGonagall said with a frown that was threatening to turn into a smile despite her trying not to.

"I have no idea what you're talking about but if I did I'd say that he deserved it if someone was able to do that to him."

"Is there a reason your in such a good mood today. I heard you even gave points to a Hufflepuff." This was very scary and out of character in her opinion.

"I just feel really good today and I think tomorrow will be even better." Snape said with a smile.

McGonagall went back to her meal and tried to ignore that feeling of dread that stated with that smile.

That bitch finally got to the Head table and Severus excused him self which wasn't necessary because no one would dare say to stay with that smile on his face.

'_Now all I have to do is disable the spells and go back later tonight.'_

Waiting was horrible but Snape being a potions master was able to, barley. As the clock struck eleven he through the silvery cloak over his head and made his way down to the toad's office. He then started his work.

He used a simple spell with a not so simple one and got the walls a deep beautiful black. Along with everything else in the room. The kitten plates were smashed with glee. (No real animals were harmed.) The plates were replaced with Werewolf illustrations that were extremely graphic and would hopefully give her a heart attack. Lastly her blood quills were replaced with sugar quills and he moved every thing out of its place.

'_Almost done now all I need to do is get to her private room and finish the job.'_

He slowly slunk his way to her bed room and changed the wall to black because no person could handle that much pink and not puke. Snape than turned all of her clothes to rather ugly shade of green that look like snot.

With a content sigh Snape left the room and made his way back to his own chamber. For some well deserved rest.

"Come on Fred. Harry said that if we wait in front of Umbrige's office when she leaves we could see something really good."

"George he's a boy after my own heart. I can't believe he pranked her."

The twins heard foot steps and hastily hid until they noticed that there was no body. The each had identical evil smirks as they jumped the spot to get Harry and have him tell them what he did.

So you can imagine their surprise when they pulled the cloak off and it reviled Snape.

For once all three had the exact same thought.

'_Fuck'_


End file.
